So, my YABA has almost gone the way of my other blog attempts. Untended, a bit puerile and boring, and no new content in months. (not that anyone is reading it) So, I said, Api, fuck it. Go make a post get some shit out of your head, and maybe become more active in doing it. So, blogs with themes tend to be successful. Blogs with exciting news seem to be popular... Again, I said, why am I writing here? Well, I need a pensieve like Dumbledore. I don't really care if anyone reads this as I realized, I need to write more for me. When I have the time. Which seems to be in this 7 minute window before my 11am conference call. So, being a Dad is awesome. Max is amazing and just gets cooler by the minute. I love to watch him eat, and I love when he giggles. I hate that we have to put him in daycare but I still feel it is better then the nanny. I have started a meetup group, which is more work then I thought, and with no support from any other members but what can you do? I did like what we had going on at Barnes and Nobles (see past meetups)
My life is average, I guess. Wife is driving me crazy. She has been real hormonal, and when Aunt Flow visits it gets worse. I have no one I can talk with about it, I feel very isolated and alone with the whole thing. She attacks me for random stuff, and then accuses me of not listening enough. Disagreement doesn't mean I am putting you down. It hurts my self-image in ways I don't feel that I can articulate. Having said that, I will try, lol.
I think that I am a decent husband. I do all the cooking, including making the lunches for the next day. I do all the laundry. I give Max his bath every night and drop him off at Daycare in the morning. I wake up on the weekends when he wakes up to give wife extra sleep. I went back to weight watchers to support her. While I am very happy with my weight loss and have no complaints, don't get me wrong, I never would have started it except for the fact that she needed me there. I am 2 years quit smoking. She started chewing the nicotine gum again, and then, within a few weeks, so did I. Now, she started smoking again and I am worried that it will be me there soon... Knowing how stressed I am, I am amazed I haven't yet. I don't blame anyone for these things but they do upset me.
I feel like a used dishrag, dried up collecting mould on the side of the sink. I cannot stand confrontation, I don't like arguments and all I want is Shalom Bayit, peace in the house. Even worse, I am growing frightened of her. Not physically, but the way she makes me feel when we argue. I would suggest we see someone together but I am so scared of how she will react.
Is it wrong of me to want to see friends she doesn't like? To have my family come to our apartment? I really don't think I ask for much. It's like anything she disagrees with me about I am attacking her, but I would never hurt her in a million years. Disagreement doesn't mean there has to be a confrontation. It means there has to be a compromise.
Well, hopefully, things will get better. They were a lot similar last month and they got better... but last night was one of the top 15 worst nights I have ever had.
