Whoah, when did it get to be October?

So, my YABA has almost gone the way of my other blog attempts. Untended, a bit puerile and boring, and no new content in months. (not that anyone is reading it) So, I said, Api, fuck it. Go make a post get some shit out of your head, and maybe become more active in doing it. So, blogs with themes tend to be successful. Blogs with exciting news seem to be popular... Again, I said, why am I writing here? Well, I need a pensieve like Dumbledore. I don't really care if anyone reads this as I realized, I need to write more for me. When I have the time. Which seems to be in this 7 minute window before my 11am conference call. So, being a Dad is awesome. Max is amazing and just gets cooler by the minute. I love to watch him eat, and I love when he giggles. I hate that we have to put him in daycare but I still feel it is better then the nanny. I have started a meetup group, which is more work then I thought, and with no support from any other members but what can you do? I did like what we had going on at Barnes and Nobles (see past meetups)

My life is average, I guess. Wife is driving me crazy. She has been real hormonal, and when Aunt Flow visits it gets worse. I have no one I can talk with about it, I feel very isolated and alone with the whole thing. She attacks me for random stuff, and then accuses me of not listening enough. Disagreement doesn't mean I am putting you down. It hurts my self-image in ways I don't feel that I can articulate. Having said that, I will try, lol.

I think that I am a decent husband. I do all the cooking, including making the lunches for the next day. I do all the laundry. I give Max his bath every night and drop him off at Daycare in the morning. I wake up on the weekends when he wakes up to give wife extra sleep. I went back to weight watchers to support her. While I am very happy with my weight loss and have no complaints, don't get me wrong, I never would have started it except for the fact that she needed me there. I am 2 years quit smoking. She started chewing the nicotine gum again, and then, within a few weeks, so did I. Now, she started smoking again and I am worried that it will be me there soon... Knowing how stressed I am, I am amazed I haven't yet. I don't blame anyone for these things but they do upset me.

I feel like a used dishrag, dried up collecting mould on the side of the sink. I cannot stand confrontation, I don't like arguments and all I want is Shalom Bayit, peace in the house. Even worse, I am growing frightened of her. Not physically, but the way she makes me feel when we argue. I would suggest we see someone together but I am so scared of how she will react.

Is it wrong of me to want to see friends she doesn't like? To have my family come to our apartment? I really don't think I ask for much. It's like anything she disagrees with me about I am attacking her, but I would never hurt her in a million years. Disagreement doesn't mean there has to be a confrontation. It means there has to be a compromise.

Well, hopefully, things will get better. They were a lot similar last month and they got better... but last night was one of the top 15 worst nights I have ever had.

Slacking

Yeah, Yeah I have been slacking. I know. No new Max pics, (well, I did post them to Facebook, but still.) I am in a general malaise, the depressive end of my exciting manic depressive runs, beat down knocked down flat busted and just waiting for the 3rd shoe to drop. I am chewing nicotine gum again which makes me ashamed, I am irritable in my head and my bowels... I am down another 3.2 pounds for an over 20 pound weight loss but that doesn't even excite me.

I think it is the humidity, the double parent weeked, the annoyances of everyday life that I push down into a deep pit into the middle of my stomach and just sits there. Ya know, that may contribute to the whole bowel thing.

I have no place to express what is in my heart and I am so unhappy with so many things and see no way to change the things that make me unhappy. Forget that, I don't even think changing the things that make me unhappy are possible and that even if I did it would make me happier. As Yogi Berra said, "Wherever you go, there you are." I tried reading the Happiness Project and I just didn't feel it. Sorry Gretchen. I have so much to be happy about but it doesn't reach inside sometimes.

I'll be out of this funk by the afternoon most likely only ready to fall again with a misplaced worried, a minot annoyance, something... I know myself too well to know the way out is easy. Well, on with it then, to work I go.

Inheritance, Taxes etc

This might be my first political post here but when I read things like this it angers up the blood. First off, the article doesn't accept the fact that the system, even as it existed 25 years ago, allowed for an American Aristocracy. I won't ask you (or the author) to accept the fact that all property is theft. That gets into all sorts of metaphysical ideas about objects, land ownership and stuff that would take the rest of my day writing about. What I will ask of you is to accept that people should rise and fall on their own merits, that the only thing people are entitled to is an equality of opportunity and that as soon as we have  inheritance of any type that equality is lost. What I would do:

1. No one can inherit more then 100K in cash and property in their lifetime. (inflation adjustable) The rest returns to the state. Including business which will be sold at auction, again, money going to taxes
2. No Physical Land can be inherited, EVER. You may lease land but never own it
3. This law is retroactive so all estates, trust funds etc will be immediately confiscated.

Think about this--- People have unfair advantages as it is based on who their parents or grandparents are/were. Why should we give them the added benefit of money? Why should they deserve that? Make or break on who you are not on who you come from.

Seventh Trip, or Netzach (the SNAFU Principle)


"The most thoroughly and relentlessly Damned, banned, excluded, condemned, forbidden, ostracized, ignore, suppressed, repressed, robbed, brutalized and defamed of all Damned Things is the individual human being. The social engineers, statistician, psychologist, sociologists, market researchers, landlords, bureaucrats, captains of industry, bankers, governors, commissars, kings and presidents are perpetually forcing this Damned Thing into carefully prepared blueprints and perpetually irritated that the Damned Thing will not fit into the slot assigned it. The theologians call it a sinner and try to reform it. The governor calls it a criminal and tries to punish it. the psychologist calls it a neurotic and tries to cure it. Still, the Damned Thing will not fit into their slots." ---Hagbard Celine

What a weekend

From Friday to about 12:00 PM today was all about family. We went up to see my Parents in Torrington Connecticut and boy are the three of us tired. I could fill copious amounts of material with what happened, what I have to say about it and what I feel about it. Bottom line, more good then bad, was pretty much able to stick to Weight Watchers (we will see tomorrow at weigh in...), and everyone love my boy Max! That is what is most important to me.

My Dad made me very sad. He is so compulsive about working, getting things done in order, and all that. I know it is his job and out of all his children I think I took to heart the "work ethic" best and that scares me. Scares me a lot. I once almost worked when my wife was having surgery. I would have if my boss at the time hadn't assumed I was taking off. After coming through the tunnel of surviving 9/11 and then 3 months later getting diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I changed. My sense of what was important changed. We all watched a movie together as a family... except my Dad, who had to work. IMNSHO, it so rare that everyone is all together, to miss that opportunity to be together is a shame.

Anywhozers, pics and more stories, perhaps, tomorrow, but I am beat

More movie Trailers----

I know that I mentioned more movie trailers that I want to post.... Movies that are Baby Sitter Worthy.... I like going to the Apple Movie Trailer site and checking whats on the way. What's funny though, is that neither of the trailers I want to share are on that site. First, I want to share Machete. It looks funny and cool and campy and just awesome! Plus, the message to Arizona? Good Stuff. The cast? Wow, Lost Alumni, Robert Deniro, Jessica Alba.... Man, oh man, oh friends of mine.... It reminds me of Natural Born Killers. I sat in the theater laughing the whole time, as it was a dark comedy of the Dr. Strangelove variety.

The third movie isn't something I am dying for... The wife either... and yet and yet.... It is the final installments of the Harry Potter Movies. We are giant fans of the books. C'mon, Max's middle name is Potter. Really. None of the movies have ever captured the magic of the stories... Yet, we must see them. I understand that in order to capture the essence of a novel in a visual form, on must sacrifice certain things. Time, continuity, small details... It was the small details that made the books wonderful however... Ehh, as the song says. No matter what I say or Do your're never satisfied!"

PS-- If anyone wants to help explain to me how I can embed the trailers in a post as opposed to linking, let me know...

2 cute Max Pics of the Day

Predators Movie Trailer....

The next 3 Posts are trailers for movies I am VERY excited to see.... These are movies, assuming the reviews are good, that are "baby sitter" worthy... Adrian Brody, Topher Grace and Lawrence Fishburne amongst others... Dude. I was a big fan of the first one with Ahnold....


IGN Video: Predators Movie Trailer - International Trailer