Slacking

Yeah, Yeah I have been slacking. I know. No new Max pics, (well, I did post them to Facebook, but still.) I am in a general malaise, the depressive end of my exciting manic depressive runs, beat down knocked down flat busted and just waiting for the 3rd shoe to drop. I am chewing nicotine gum again which makes me ashamed, I am irritable in my head and my bowels... I am down another 3.2 pounds for an over 20 pound weight loss but that doesn't even excite me.

I think it is the humidity, the double parent weeked, the annoyances of everyday life that I push down into a deep pit into the middle of my stomach and just sits there. Ya know, that may contribute to the whole bowel thing.

I have no place to express what is in my heart and I am so unhappy with so many things and see no way to change the things that make me unhappy. Forget that, I don't even think changing the things that make me unhappy are possible and that even if I did it would make me happier. As Yogi Berra said, "Wherever you go, there you are." I tried reading the Happiness Project and I just didn't feel it. Sorry Gretchen. I have so much to be happy about but it doesn't reach inside sometimes.

I'll be out of this funk by the afternoon most likely only ready to fall again with a misplaced worried, a minot annoyance, something... I know myself too well to know the way out is easy. Well, on with it then, to work I go.